


Lovesick

by TMar



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 03:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17051954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TMar/pseuds/TMar
Summary: Beverly gets hurt. Picard worries about her.





	Lovesick

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in December 1991. How do 27 years go by so quickly?

Lovesick

Come to me in my dreams, and then  
By day I shall be well again!  
For so the night will more than pay  
The hopeless longing of the day  
\- 'Longing' by Matthew Arnold

It was night on board the Enterprise - usually the ship's quiet time. The  
captain could easily have chosen, deservedly, to relax. But tonight he was  
sitting in sickbay staring at his chief medical officer, who lay in one of  
the diagnostic beds fighting for her life. 

Dr Selar was checking the readouts for the fourth time, only because she felt   
duty bound to inform thecaptain that there had been no change. But Picard   
didn't need her to tell him, he could see it in Beverly Crusher's face.   
It had all started so innocently...

***

The Enterprise had been assigned to the planet Tanusae V, a  
sensitive area due to its proximity to the Romulan Neutral Zone, to see if  
some kind of treaty couldn't be worked out between the Federation and the  
silicon inhabitants of the planet. Tanusae V was a Class-H world, extremely  
active with a mostly molten surface, though there were some solid masses as  
well. The atmosphere was composed of many different gases, none of them  
oxygen.

But none of these specifics had interested the Federation - they only  
wanted to make sure that these inhabitants didn't join (or ally themselves  
with) the Romulan Empire and so allow the Romulans to expand closer to  
Federation space. Ever since the Romulans had returned to plague them, the  
Federation sought to make Federation space as secure as possible.

On receipt of his orders, Captain Jean-Luc Picard had sighed deeply. He had  
known, right from the start, that this was going to be a difficult mission.  
Preliminary studies of the aliens inhabiting Tanusae showed that they were  
not interested in the politics of a group of stars, nor were they frightened  
of the Romulans; nor, for that matter, did they care about good and evil.  
Their environment never changed significantly, and neither the Federation  
nor the Romulans could successfully colonize the planet.

The Tanusaeans were a lot like Excalbians in their outlook, and, though they  
were silicon-based, they didn't think like Hortas either. Picard had sent an  
Away Team anyway because Starfleet wanted to secure the planet against  
Romulan interference, no matter the cost.

Now, sitting staring at his Away Team's first (and, he hoped, only)  
casualty, Jean-Luc wondered if the planet was worth it. He rose and paced  
Sickbay's spacious floor. It was all very well to want to keep their space  
secure, but the Federation couldn't demand his medical officer's life!

Picard looked at Beverly - and was suddenly transported back seventeen  
years, back to Earth, when he and Jack had been friends, when he and Beverly...  
but no. Time enough to worry about this situation without remembering how  
he had betrayed his friend. 

'I'm sorry, Jack,' he thought. 'But I tried to look after your son, to make it  
up to you. I know you'd forgive me if you were here... forgive me for my  
betrayal, and for that decision I made which ended your life. I had no  
choice in that.'

The other... it was a bad choice, the road taken. He looked down at Beverly   
Crusher, wondered: would she be here if he hadn't taken that path? All he'd had   
to do was make an excuse that night and leave... but he hadn't been able to.  
He'd had to wait for Jack to call. Picard sighed. It was so ironic. Jack hadn't   
called. And now his wife was here, on Picard's ship, critically ill.

Dr Beverly Crusher had, of course, been one of the people to beam down to  
the planet. She had argued very forcefully - as seemed to be the  
prerogative of medical officers throughout the galaxy - that these creatures  
were a new form of silicon-based life and had to be studied. So Picard had  
sent her down with Riker, Worf and Data. It hadn't gone well - as expected,  
the Tanusaeans had refused Federation help, refused to join them, and  
refused to deny the Romulans the right to communicate with them, if they  
came.

"They may have a point, sir," Riker had reported. "They don't care about US,  
or the Romulans. I suspect that they won't listen to the Romulans either. I  
doubt the Romulans could annex the planet without their permission."

"All right, Number One." Picard had thought very hard. This mission was one  
which they would NOT accomplish. "Is it your considered opinion that these  
aliens want to remain unaligned with both us and the Romulans?" he had  
asked.

"Counselor Troi."

"They are very detached towards us. To them, there is no real difference   
between us and the Romulans. I doubt that we could persuade them. "

Picard nodded. 'Then finish your scans and beam up and we'll go to our  
assignment. "

That should have been the end of it. But Beverly Crusher had found an  
interesting reading on her medical tricorder and had wanted to investigate  
further. The Tanusaeans had an outer layer which seemed confusing. Tricorders  
could not tell her how these outer layers were formed, only they were made  
of silicon. So she had done what doctors through the always did: fell back  
on physical examination. "May I touch you?" she asked the alien she was scanning.

It had agreed, seeming to nod what looked like its head. Other than that it  
looked like a strangely coloured rock. Crusher had put down the tricorder,  
reached out, touched the alien - and cried out. Pulling back her hand, she  
it was singed right through the flesh. As she watched it began to bleed.

Worf noticed, shouted, "Don't touch them!" and had his phaser out, all in one  
motion. But Dr Crusher gathered herself. "No! I'm all right. It's a kind of  
acidic lubricant. It doesn't register on the tricorder, so careful." She got  
up, thanked the creature, who said only, "You problems?" It obviously wasn't  
aware of what it had done. Riker had Crusher's hand in his. "It's bleeding."

"Will, I'm all right. You finish up here while I beam up and see to this. I'll  
return in an hour."

But she hadn't, of course. Selar, after running numerous tests, had  
discovered that, though the tricorder showed nothing there, an alien microbe  
had invaded through the burn and made its way to Beverly's brain where it was  
busily bonding with the chemicals which controlled, among other things,   
neurochemicals, for these chemicals were reducing drastically. 

"What does that MEAN, Doctor?" Picard asked, angrily. He wasn't really angry,   
but his panic made him seem angry with his staff. He was sorry for that, but all   
sorts of emotions he didn't want to admit to were getting in the way.

Dr Selar answered with Vulcan patience. "It seems to be draining her will to  
live, and that is affecting all her other bodily systems."

"What can you do?"

Selar's eyebrows disappeared into her hair in the Vulcan form of a shrug. "Try  
to find something which will neutralize it. I have Commander Data analyzing it  
right now."

"Good. I'll stay here." 

***

Despite protests from the medical staff, Picard had remained in Sickbay  
keeping a vigil. The analysis took extremely long due to the fact that  
microbe and acid did not register on the tricorder. Data had to make  
numerous recalibrations before he isolated the offending little microbe and  
could begin testing chemicals to neutralize it. Finally, testing had begun, but  
Beverly Crusher would not be better until an antidote was administered;  
Selar admitted that much. 

Picard stopped his pacing as Beverly's breathing slowed. A nurse rushed   
checked, and administered a dose of tricordrazine. Her breathing resumed   
previous pace, which was already slower than normal.

The nurse turned to the captain. "We dare not give her any more hormones or  
tricordrazine," he said, "but Dr Selar is making progress." He went out; Picard  
resumed pacing.

This time his mind wandered, and he didn't think about his friendship Jack  
Crusher, only... 'I always loved her, Jack, but I knew what I wanted and she  
didn't figure in my plans. You wanted a wife, and she loved you. What could I  
do? That night you didn't call... I'm sorry for that.'

Jack Crusher had invited him to his home in New Hampshire, for some shore  
leave with him and Beverly. Even then, Beverly hadn't wanted him to be alone.  
He was positive it had been her idea to invite him. Then Jack had been called  
away for some last-minute business at Starfleet Headquarters but insisted  
Picard stay and enjoy himself. 

"I'll call later if I can. Otherwise I'll see you in San Francisco in two days ."

It had been winter, then. Stupidly, he and Beverly had agreed to sit front  
of the fire and have their dinner. They had talked about Jack, what was expected  
of doctors in this century, the plight of starship captains...

... Jean-Luc Picard jerked himself out of memory lane as Beverly's breathing  
slowed again. Selar came running in. "I can't give her anything more. She needs   
something to live for, that's all I can recommend now. It might get those chemicals   
working again."

Picard looked up from his chief medical officer's face at the Vulcan doctor. "What?" 

Selar shrugged again in the Vulcan way. "I don't know her that well. Her  
son? Love?" She said it tentatively, as if suggesting it as a precarious  
last resort.

The captain was looking at Beverly Crusher again, but shaking his head.

"Her son is on a training mission near Andoria."

Selar looked at him. 'Very well, I will have to try some more hormones. "

"No!" Love. He would rather try that than have too many chemicals harm  
Beverly. "Could you... leave us alone, please?"

The Vulcan nodded. "I will be in the next room where I can monitor her  
vital signs." 

Picard took Beverly's hand. "Beverly? It's me, Jean-Luc." 

Amazingly, she turned her head a little. "Jean-Luc? Wesley...I... you   
must... Wesley..."

"Fight, Beverly. "

"Tired... I'm so tired... want to sleep."

"No!" Picard shook her by the shoulders, gently. Finally she opened her eyes.  
"Jean-Luc... Wesley. Tell... my... son..." 

"What?"

But Crusher was trying to shake her head. "Sleep... tired." 

"No! Beverly, you must fight." When she didn't respond, Picard plunged on.   
If only she didn't remember this tomorrow! "Beverly, I need you here on the   
ship. You're my... I love you. " Picard lowered his head; it was an admission he  
had never made in connection with Beverly before, but it had been true forever. 

Selar came in. "Her vital signs are improving slightly. I think she can hold on   
while we synthesize the antidote."

Picard looked as if a light shone on his face. "You found it?"

"It was only a matter of time."

Then the ship shook, and the klaxon sounded. Riker's voice came over the  
Comm panels. "Red alert! This is not a drill! Captain Picard to the bridge."

When Picard reached the bridge, the viewscreen showed a Romulan ship facing  
the Enterprise. "They ignore our warnings to keep away," Riker informed him.

 

"This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise. Explain your  
presence in Federation space." 

Again, Picard found himself face to face with the Romulans. "Why are you so  
near to the Neutral Zone, Enterprise? And why are you interfering with a  
free non-Federation planet?" the Commander wanted to know. 

"This is our space," replied the captain. "And you have neglected to  
introduce yourself." 

"I am Commander Tulal of the Romulan Empire, and since the planet is not  
aligned with the Federation we have the right to study it." 

To everyone's surprise, Captain Picard allowed it! "We won't stand in the  
way of knowledge, Commander. But we will remain here until you have finished  
your studies and escort you back to the Neutral Zone. "

"Iwould expect no less," the Commander replied, trying not to look  
surprised. 

When the communication was concluded, everyone stared with unabashed   
shock at their captain. Had he beamed down one too many times? But then   
Riker grinned. You know the Tanusaeans won't pay any attention to the   
Romulans either. And as soon as they discover the planet has no minerals of   
value, they'll lose interest."

"It IS our space," agreed Picard. "If the Tanusaeans refuse to join them,  
they'll have no legal claim to the planet." 

"They'll have to leave," from Riker. 

"I'll be in sickbay," announced Picard. "Inform me when they break orbit." 

Beverly Crusher was not in Sickbay. The microbe had been neutralized so  
quickly that Selar had allowed her to return to her quarters. She was a  
little clammy and shaky, but otherwise fine; certainly Picard thought so  
when he came

"Are you all right?"

Beverly sat on the couch, not looking at him. "Yes. Thank you, Jean-Luc."

Picard sat next to her, asked, "Do you remember any of it? Being in Sickbay?"

Crusher looked him in the eye. "You said you loved me; so I fought." She smiled  
shyly. "I had to see if you really meant it."

He took her hand. "I really meant it." Jean-Luc Picard looked right at Beverly.  
"The captain must set an example, but I care for you - " 

Beverly interrupted, her voice teasing. "You love me." 

"Yes. We can remember that, and know it, and someday - "

"You said that to me seventeen years ago, Jean-Luc. Someday never came. I  
loved Jack, but I betrayed his trust. And you betrayed mine by making me pretend  
that nothing ever occurred. I understand, but... forget that, just for today." 

"What?" 

"You heard me, Jean-Luc."

And Picard found himself surrounded by red hair as her lips touched kindling  
memories, and things he had always tried to deny. His arms around her of  
their own volition as he returned the kiss, glad she was here, glad that she   
knew the limits... and glad that, just for now, he could forget his.

***

"Riker to Picard."

"Go ahead, Number One." "

"The Romulan ship is breaking orbit."

"I'll be right up." Picard strode to the door, turned. "Beverly?"

"Yes, Jean-Luc." He had his efficient, cool chief medical officer back. "Do you   
remember what you wanted me to tell Wesley?"

She put down her hairbrush, tossed her hair back, and looked at him mirror.  
"Just a message from mother to son. Nothing to concern you now." 

Picard stood outside the door in the corridor for two minutes, then moved in  
the direction of the bridge.

Come, as thou cam'st a thousand times,  
A messenger from radiant climes,  
And smile on thy new world, and  
be As kind to others as to me.

Or, as thou never cam'st in sooth,  
Come now, and let me dream it truth,  
And part my hair, and kiss my brow,  
And say, "My love! Why sufferest thou?"

Come to me in my dreams, and then  
By day I shall be well again!  
For so the night will more than pay  
The hopeless longing of the day.

THE END


End file.
